Today I started reading the book Leadership and Self-Deception by the Arbinger Institute. The events at work in recent weeks have prompted me not just to look for solutions outside myself but also reflect on what I bring to the equation. There are always multiple angles to any problem, and I wanted to better understand my part, so I scoured my bookshelf and the words “self-deception” hit me like a gut punch. This was the place to start. Reading through the fable the theories in the book are built around, a verse that’s been floating in and out of my mind lately resurfaced: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Lord, I know I’m not the sum of the problem, but don’t allow my heart to be deceived by the “right” and “good” I think I’m doing. Search me and show me where I’m not leading or living with love. I could employ all the leadership skills I’ve honed, but if I do not have love, I am nothing. Focus my heart not on “fixing” things so that I can impress others by rescuing a situation on the brink of failure. Focus my heart on loving You and loving my team. The trail feels narrow and steep and I know my feet will stumble as I try to navigate this path. Open my heart to lead others with Your love so that You will be glorified in my life and their lives.

Psalm 139: 23-24, 1 Corinthians 13: 1-3