When I started this blog over a month ago, I had no idea that a steep climb over a treacherous, unforgiving mountain awaited me. I should have been journaling as the events unfolded, but the very week after I typed my first post the tests of my leadership and resolve to follow Jesus began. The most recent test I’m encountering feels like facing the sheer face of a rock wall with the top hidden from view. I have been battling my way through one challenging section of the climb after another, but coming face to face with this wall I feel nothing but doubt. What’s the point in fighting to get this far if I’ve come to the end of my skill set, the end of what’s possible for me as a leader? At first glance, staring up at the wall there seems to be nothing to grab hold of, the rock slick and smooth and primed for my defeat. This is beyond me, and I want to justify why I should shut down, disengage, and pat myself on the back for getting this far.

When I think of Jesus’ time with the disciples, the hours and days spent traveling from town to town, more often than not the disciples misinterpreted Jesus’ words or misunderstood the direction He was taking them. I know from reading the Gospel stories that they challenged His approach to being Messiah. They thought He should destroy the Romans and restore Israel’s glory, but His purpose to save the world through His sacrifice was beyond what they could comprehend. Jesus was clear that His purpose was to do the will of the Father, and He was not distracted by doubt or grumbling. As I reflect on that, I’m reminded that my purpose is also very clear and very simple; to love God with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my mind. It’s also to love my neighbor as myself. In my daily work, there are deadlines to meet, communication barriers to overcome, and projects to manage, but my true purpose is grounded in obedience to this calling.

Allowing my whole being (heart, soul, mind) to be consumed with love for God and others means I leave no room for fear, resentment, or self-justification. Having walked this earth, Jesus of course knew how challenging this would be (today is Christmas, and all of us know how easily the stress of the holidays can steal our peace in a moment). Before He physically departed the earth, Jesus left the most treasured gift we could receive beyond His salvation: Shalom. Peace. The peace He gives is not as the world gives. He follows that up by saying, “Do not let your heart be troubled, neither let it be fearful”. It’s like He knew that my mind would want to obsess over every detail of the sheer wall in front of me. The imagery the word peace brings is of joining together. With every step I take in obedience to love Him with all my being, the closer I draw to Him, and the closer I am to Him the more shalom reigns in my heart and the light of His truth shines in my life.

Shalom, my fellow travelers. Continue following His lead.

John 3:17, John 6:38, Matthew 22:27, John 14:27